I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
