There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
