if you like me you must not know who I am
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
