No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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