Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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