Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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