You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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