Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
