And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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