That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
