I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize