good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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