I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
