my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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