I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
