I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
