Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
