How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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