i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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