I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
