What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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