She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
