Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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