I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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