how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
