I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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