she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
