I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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