I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
