There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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