im six kinds of drunk right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
