K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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