he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
