Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
