the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize