My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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