I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
