whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
