But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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