I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
zippers are such a cool invention
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
