I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
