I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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