I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
