if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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