your parents love me but you hate me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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