We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
