i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
