why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
