We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
