I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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