Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
