Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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