SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
