i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
