You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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