yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
