Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
