I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got inside last night via doggy door
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
