So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
