Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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