I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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