Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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